Mental Moments

First it is important to understand the exact meaning of ‘Self-Esteem’. The Oxford English Dictionary definition is:

“One’s good opinion of one-self.”

Many people, and the psychology profession wouldn’t be able to survive without them, use the process of improving SELF-ESTEEM as an important step to the development of feeling good about one-self again.

This pathway back to a ‘good sense of worth’ may not be achieved with improving your self esteem alone, but we can assure you that you will have been elevated sufficiently to see what’s required next.

Positive affirmations are words that offer power to the subconscious mind … please read on.

We all have moments each year, each month, each week, each day and each hour where we may have sensed a period of sadness ensuing. It could have been a verbal attack on our character, it could have been a series of bad events. Whatever happens to you may never happen to anyone else; these routes to the doldrums are very personal.

Negativity is a sore point for any individual, so we need to develop a process of rising through these periods of confusion, and these are best defeated with us in a stronger frame of mind.

Building self esteem is not just about thinking good of yourself, it’s about not thinking bad for no reason!
Notice the small differences as they happen. Persevere and don’t expect everything at once. Beating low self esteem is a wonderful thing, and it’s much easier than you’d imagine.

“The way you overcome shyness is to become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid.” (Lady Bird Johnson).

Assume in this illustration that your ’soul’ or your ‘personality’ is the book.

(Positive affirmations are words that offer power to the subconscious mind … please read on.)

THE BLUE BOOK

This particular book was blue with a gold embossed title. Within the first few pages I noticed its reprint date in 1905. Without telling you the name of the book, would you know from the description so far what book it was? No, I don’t suppose you would.

In 1905 it was a new book, printed and bound to the highest quality. Although translated into a hundred languages the new owner found delight in having bought it.

The book was full of information and although the owner was only aged 10 he began to read from page 1. It wasn’t long before he put his own stamp on the book by writing his name on the inside front cover. He was proud to own it and was happy for everyone to know that too.

It wasn’t a book he read straight through, for it took him 5 years to finish it; but he recalls the journey was well worth the wait. It became a proud possession and moved from shelf to shelf in his bedroom.

His parents were having a clear out and decided to collect some old items and send them to a local jumble sale. It was evident that the blue book was popular, it was soiled, damaged by various accidents, its pages were folded, creased and several were scribbled on while the owner was still young. The parents asked if they could include this in their collection for the jumble sale as it didn’t look too healthy.

It may not have been impressive to look at, but the content was excellent. The value to the owner had not decreased from day one. So, NO the parents could not take it.

The owner grew older and found himself a wife and now engrossed in his new life mislaid the book at his parent’s home. It wasn’t long before his parents had another house clear out and this time the book went to the jumble sale.

During that day at the jumble sale many people picked up the book with almost everyone considered it worthy to buy. It was an old woman who bought the book for a few pence. She referred to the book as revisiting an old friend. Over the next 15 years she read it through about five times. Although the book may not have been in pristine condition the content was still valuable.

The old woman passed away and her belongings taken to a second-hand shop. The blue book was purchased once again for a few pence by a mother who bought it specifically for her own children. Both children read it on several occasions and one kept it in his book collection for 40 years.

This current owner found his house on fire and although many expensive items were destroyed his book collection had been saved; although now the cover of the blue book was dirtier than ever. As it happens with time, the blue book changed hands several more times; one of which had spent time to meticulously clean the book. As I write this recollection the book is 100 years old, a little tatty around the edges but still of value because of the content.

Doesn’t this seem similar to our life and how we sometimes have to drag ourselves off the floor and dust ourselves down?

Many times in our lives, we get dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless.

But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or creased, you are still priceless to this life.

By the way the blue book is entitled ‘The Bible’.

Positive affirmations are words that offer power to the subconscious mind … to read more please visit this site: http://www.GlobalTop5.com/affirmations.html

About the Author:
Mr. Phil Booker Senior Affirmation Advisor For more information on ‘affirmations’ please visit this site: http://www.GlobalTop5.com/affirmations.html

Keyword tags: self esteem, self development, common sense, self help, affirmations, positive mental attitude

“Sooner or later, all of us must see that negative feelings toward another person is like tossing dust at him while the wind blows against us. It all comes back.”
–Vernon Howard, Psycho-Pictography

Negative emotions, such as anger, blame, resentment, misery, jealousy, hurt, guilt, shame, and anxiety, often come from thoughts we are having about another person.

Vernon Howard states:

“It is strange how human beings miss the most obvious facts about their negativities toward others. A hateful man seldom reasons, ‘Hatred toward others makes me miserable, so in the name of common sense I’d better abandon it.’ Rarely does a resentful person think, ‘Resentment of other people drains my strength and destroys my mental powers, so I’d better clear it from my life.’”

At other times, negative emotions are the result of lies we tell ourselves about ourselves, such as “I’m stupid,” or “I’m ugly,” or “I’m worthless.” Even these negative thoughts are often in relationship to other people, fearing that others will think of you as stupid, ugly, or worthless.

Negative emotions such as anxiety and depression can also come from other lies we tell ourselves, such as “I’m going to end up being a bag lady (or a bag man)”, or “I will end up alone my whole life.”

All negative emotions are letting you know that, in one way or another, your thoughts are off track. Negative emotions are like big STOP signs, telling us to stop thinking the way we are thinking because our negative, judgmental, untrue thoughts are never going to get us where we want to go.

What happens when we ignore our negative emotions? What happens when we blot them out with various addictions, or continually believe that they are being caused by the past, by events and circumstances, or by other people?

We get stuck feeling like victims.

The only way out of feeling like a victim is to take full, 100% responsibility for your own feelings by connecting your thoughts with your feelings. By learning to be vigilant about your thoughts, you can gradually move yourself out of feeling like a victim and into personal power.

Even if your painful feelings are being caused by outer circumstances, such as various forms of loss – loss of a loved one, loss of employment, loss of finances – how you respond to these circumstances has a huge impact on how you end up feeling. If you compassionately embrace your loneliness, grief, and helplessness, you will not feel alone and abandoned inside. If you move into anger or blame, you will end up feeling victimized and will be stuck with your painful feelings.

We have all known people who have suffered a lot of loss, yet still maintain their ability to love, care, and laugh. These are people who have made a decision to stay connected with their own feelings and with a spiritual source of love, truth, comfort, and guidance. Read the rest of this entry »

What is the one thing about yourself that you’d most like to change? Something you know would make your life much happier. Lose weight? Get out of a bad relationship? Be more assertive? Quit procrastinating? Curb your anger? Quit lying? Find a mate? Change jobs? Improve your sex life? Whatever your problem, however many times you may have tried in the past, I’m here to tell you there’s lots you can do to fix it now.

The answer is not The Secret. You cannot simply think your way to happiness. Not that positive thinking isn’t terrific, it is. Positive thinking gets you to focus on your goals rather than your unhappiness, but that is only one step on the road to improving your life.

Successful change requires taking action, handling the problem in a different way than you have in the past. Thinking about it, wishing, daydreaming, repeating old behaviors, none of that works. Only an actual change in your behavior will move you in a new direction to fix the problem.

But if you’re like most of us, much as you may want to change, when the time comes to actually do things differently, negative feelings get in the way. Everybody wants to feel ready to change before they get going. “As soon as I lose 20 pounds, I’ll try to find a guy.” “When I don’t feel so depressed, I’m definitely going to look for a job.”

Or sometimes when people’s feelings resist change, they decide change is totally impossible for them. Read the rest of this entry »

When is the last time you stopped and really smelled the roses? Not recently, if you’re a chronic multi-tasker, as so many people are today. Life is too hurried for roses. Modern living demands keeping as many balls in the air at once as possible. Electronic technology compounds the problem, addicting us to instant information and communication.

It’s easy to mistake this rush to overload for productivity. But UCLA researcher Dr. Russell Poldrack cautions that multi-tasking has its pitfalls. “We have to be aware that there is a cost to the way that our society is changing, that humans are not built to work this way. We’re really built to focus. And when we sort of force ourselves to multitask, we’re driving ourselves to perhaps be less efficient in the long run even though it sometimes feels like we’re being more efficient.”

This article describes a very different kind of productivity. It’s called Mindfulness, a mental skill that once learned, lets you to relate to your entire world in a way that not only enhances true productivity, but makes you happier doing it.

Training in Mindfulness can benefit many aspects of living. It sharpens your attention, concentration and ability to focus. That means you can use it to help interrupt unproductive mental chatter and move more effectively towards your goals. Mindfulness offers other rewards as well. To take just one example, once you learn how to switch into the Mindfulness mode of thinking, any time you choose you have at your command a refreshing way to take a break from the mental pressures that preoccupy so much of our waking lives. Using Mindfulness just for fun lets us reclaim what children do naturally, see the world through fresh eyes and delight in the wonder of things.

As is true in acquiring any skill—riding a bike, driving a car, communicating effectively—learning how to be Mindful takes practice. I can say from personal experience though, that the learning process is both interesting and rewarding. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Here is how it works. When being Mindful, you intentionally shift your mental focus away from whatever had been going on in your mind and instead observe one single, here-and-now event. The event can be anything, for example, a picture on the wall, a tree on the path where you’re walking, people coming and going on the street outside your office. You can even do Mindfulness by observing a feeling. But for starters it’s best to practice Mindfulness by shifting your attention to an external event, something occurring in your environment as opposed to something coming from inside you. Read the rest of this entry »

As social beings, our desire for connection is a deep and powerful force within us. Babies who do not experience connection with a caregiver do not thrive or may even die. Deep connection with another is one of the greatest joys in life.

Yet for many people, this deep and joyous connection eludes them. Try as they might, they cannot seem to find the connected experience that they so deeply desire.

There is a very good reason for this.

Many of us were brought up to distrust our own feelings and experiences. I was consistently programmed to disconnect from and discount my inner feelings, experiences, and inner knowing. Instead, I was taught to trust an external source – my parents – to define what was right or wrong for me, good or bad for me. The more I learned to disconnect from my feelings and my inner knowing, the more I disconnected from my authentic Self and sought connection from outside myself.

I tried to connect with my husband through being whatever I thought he wanted me to be, and he tried to connect with me by trying to have control over getting me to be what he wanted me to be. We were a perfect pair! No wonder our deep connection with each other rarely lasted for more than a few minutes at a time!

The problem is that can cannot authentically connect with another unless we are connected with our authentic selves. If we are not defining ourselves from within, then we consistently attempt to define ourselves eternally, by doing whatever we can to have control over getting love, approval, attention, sex, agreement, and so on. We confuse true connection with the momentary good feeling that comes from getting what we want from another. We think that relating to another from the wounded ego part of ourselves and getting what we want to feel externally validated is connection. It is not.

Connection with another is a mutual experience of sharing our authentic selves with each other and each receiving caring, understanding, and support – the mutual feeling of being received and cherished for who we each really are. It is truly one of the highest experiences in life. But this wonderful experience is not possible unless we are both able to share as our authentic selves. It is only when we are deeply connected with our own feelings, our own thoughts, and our own inner knowing/spiritual guidance that we can authentically share ourselves.

Sharing our wounded ego selves is sharing who we have created ourselves to be to have control over getting love and avoiding pain. There is no reality, no truth, no authenticity to our ego wounded self. Authentic connection is not possible from an inauthentic part of ourselves. No matter how much you may want the joy of authentic connection with your partner or others, it cannot occur until you authentically connect with yourself.

The practice of Inner Bonding is a powerful way of healing the ego wounded self and discovering your authentic self. Read the rest of this entry »